


Drummer on film

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 10:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20906132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: While babysitting Roger^s youngest at the drummer^s house, John finds a mysterious DVDPaper gods era





	Drummer on film

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue  
No beta  
If that bothers you, don^t read.
> 
> if you read it, feedback is very welcome!  
Thank you

Again I find myself thinking of him.   
Something is different and I can^t grasp what it is. The weirdest thing is that he seems to be happy. So happy that Nick started to call him *our little sunshine*.  
But he should be sad, after all, his second marriage has gone to pieces.  
We were all surprised when he broke up with Gio, his first wife, because we thought that when someone gets old and grey together, it's Roger and Giovanna.  
Then Gisa appeared on the scene and secretly we were of the opinion that Roger would compensate his midlife crisis with a younger woman and another child.  
The marriage didn't last long.   
To be honest, I never liked the woman very much.  
Nevertheless, Roger should be sad, shouldn't he?   
Just as I am sad, even though the separation from Gela already took place one year ago.  
It hit me completely unprepared, in the middle of the Paper Gods-tour. On the phone! Like I'm 16.   
Then came the letter from the lawyer.  
That we were on tour probably saved my ass. No, it was Roger. He just didn't let me sink into depression. The little sunshine.  
Every day he surprised me with something. We were skydiving and driving Ferrari. We talked through nights and kept ourselves alive with coffee the next day.  
„We singles have to stick together!“ he winked. He took me running, dragged me to the gym and he held me when I felt the need to cry or when the longing for a drink became unbearable.  
Roger was my therapist, my support. He became my best friend on this tour.   
Nick was busy with his new girlfriend, which I don't blame him for.  
I'm staying at Roger's now.   
I didn't want to return to Los Angeles. Too many memories.  
After the tour I moved in with him. Temporarily, of course. I'm looking for my own apartment while playing babysitter for his son Julian.  
We like each other very much, the little man and I.  
He just turned six.  
Roger is in Italy with his three adult children, and since Julian recently started school and has no holidays, we^ll be alone for a week.   
I miss his father terribly, even though it^s only a few hours since he left.  
Amazing how well our living together has worked so far.   
« Who needs a woman if he has you?“ I asked him jokingly.  
His answer was drop dead serious.  
« I don't need a woman, John. »

It's mainly this answer that makes me think about him because he said it so seriously.  
Do I interpret too much into it?   
Anyway, there's something strange about Roger.  
Why do I miss him so much? You could almost think we were a couple.  
I recently caught myself staring at his ass. He just came back from running, sweating and grinning.   
Pretty sexy, I thought and was scared to think that.  
Sighing, I look at the clock. Two more hours until I have to pick up Julian.  
I am bored. If Roger was there, we would go to the cellar and make music.  
I was freaked out with joy when Roger agreed to a reunion. What we had never worked with any other drummer.  
Musically we are simply an unbeatable team.  
Fuck, I have to distract myself. It makes me nervous and confused to think of him so much. I could use the time to do the laundry.  
The basket for the dirty laundry is in Rogers's bathroom, which can only be accessed through his bedroom.   
It's almost empty, except for a pair of underpants and some socks. I should have guessed. This man is so incredibly well organized. How can he stand a messie like me?   
I look around his room giggling. This is definitely the cleanest bedroom I've ever seen. The bed is made properly, of course, not a hint of dust on the nightstand. On the thick carpet you can clearly see the lines the vacuum cleaner has left. Impersonal.It^s not just clean, it^s impersonal. That's kind of depressing. And it doesn't really fit in with the man I've had around me every day over the past few months. He may be a little pedantic when it comes to tidiness, but I^ve hardly met anyone more warm-hearted, lovingly and funny.   
This room looks like a hotel room and I^ve seen hotel rooms with more personality.  
Very clean people try to hide something dirty. My mother always said this, and when I was a kid, I thought she made it up because she^s never been so keen about house work.  
Why does this sentence occur to me now of all times?  
Well, it^s a bedroom. Dirty things are supposed to happen in a bedroom of an attractive male single, right?   
I open the big wardrobe without thinking.   
Everything neatly sorted by colours.  
Suits, shirts, t-shirts, a lot of jeans and cargo pants. Nick had told him a thousand times he shouldn^t wear those because they make him look even smaller than he already is, but Roger loves his cargos nearly as much as he loves plain blue jeans.  
Underwear and socks in the drawers, almost exclusively black. *You're just rummaging through Roger^s things!* says a reproachful voice in my head.  
Ah, fuck, I^m not rummaging, huh ? I have a look, that^s all!  
Beside the wardrobe there^s a commode, and when I want to open the upper drawer, I find it locked. The next one is locked, too.  
Only the last one glides open when I pull the grip. Magazines.   
Goodness, is that porn? Don't do that, John! If you now take out one of the mags and look, you cross a border! You don't rummage through a friend's things, right?  
He's a grown man, of course he has porn magazines! Close the drawer, John Taylor!  
That's exactly what I want to do, I swear! It's not my fault that this stupid drawer doesn't close. Something slipped behind between the back wall and the drawer that I carefully pull out.   
It's a DVD. I hope it didn't break, it's without a cover and it's not labeled. Someone drew a smiley on it, that's all.   
A DVD without a cover.That^s weird. I know Roger^s DVD collection, he is just as pedantic with it as with his records.  
I^ll take it to the living room. I have to check if it^s still working, ok? It has nothing to do with curiosity or snooping!  
That's complete nonsense, of course.  
I'm dying of curiosity, but I need an excuse. I sit on the sofa with a very bad conscience and start the mysterious DVD.  
I just check if it works, very briefly. Honestly!   
It rushes and cracks before you see anything. Damn, I broke this thing!  
But then a picture appears. Roger^s bed, definitely Roger^s bed. Roger is lying on this bed, bare naked on his back. He breathes heavily. The whole living room is filled with the sound of his breathing and it seems my heartbeat is joining it.  
Fuck. Switch that off, John, goodness, switch that off!  
Not only is he naked, he^s rock hard.   
The whole thing is filmed from above and I ask myself if it was a drone or something.  
Was this secretly filmed without his knowledge? But then he wouldn't have this DVD.  
Now another person appears naked in the right corner of the screen.  
My mouth goes dry. It is a man, a very tall, muscular man. Hectically I press the button on the remote control, the screen turns black.  
What the hell?  
I don^t need a woman, he said.  
Oh well, that makes a lot of sense now, doesn^t it?

I can^t stop thinking about it, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to get it out of my head.  
Is it this man who makes Roger happy?   
If so, why is he pretending to be single? Is he afraid telling us that he^s into men?  
But then, maybe it was just…I dunno.. a unique experience?  
Perhaps he wanted to broaden his horizon or whatever, now that he^s no longer married. I had my own experiences with men but it was never more than a drunken mutual wanking or a quick blow-job in a club washroom highly on coke. I wonder if Roger got any further than that.  
I spend the day with Julian and we have a lot of fun together.  
It^s so cute he calls me uncle Johnny. Been a while since I last had a six-year -old around and playing surrogate dad is quite a challenge, even though the boy makes it all easy for me. He^s lovely. Good genes, huh ?  
I^m quite exhausted when he^s finally in bed and now that I have nothing to distract me, each of my thoughts goes for the DVD. I^ve hidden it under a pile of shirts in the closet of my room, Roger^s guest room. I wish I hadn't found it. I wish I could stop thinking about it.   
I know it's wrong. I shouldn't do it, it's a breach of trust with my best friend.   
But I can't help it.  
I take my laptop to bed and slide the DVD into the CD slot.  
The room door is locked, just in case Julian will wake up.  
Again there^s Roger on the bed, naked and breathing heavily. The guy appears and he sits beside Roger, letting a hand run over his bare chest.   
„Such a nice sight!“ he says.  
Yeah, I agree!   
« Apparently, you can't wait, huh? » The hand goes further down, fingers close around the impressive hardness. Roger moans quietly, his eyes fly open.  
« I've been waiting a long time for this, believe me! Much too long ! » he whispers and a blissfull smile creeps over his face. « What^s your name again ?` »  
« Oh, call me John, alright ? Not my real name, as you may have guessed.“  
« John » Roger chuckles. « Well, John, that feels good!“  
„Want more?“ The man bends down to place a butterfly kiss on the tip of Roger^s cock.  
Goodness !   
« I want it all, John ! »   
Fuck! It^s so weird to hear him say my name in such a situation. I shouldn^t watch this!  
„Jooooohn!“ Roger moans as his whole length is sucked into the man^s mouth.  
Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck! What am I doing?   
I^ll stop the DVD and now there is a still of the two, with a man called John who has Roger^s cock in his mouth.  
After shutting the laptop I go into the kitchen to brew me a coffee.  
What the hell is this about, Roger taking a man home not even knowing his name? That is so not Roger. Well, Roger with a man^s mouth around his cock is not Roger. Not the Roger I know.  
And why had someone filmed that?   
I'm not sleeping very well this night.   
After another day with Julian I get a call from his dad in the evening.  
„Hey Johnny! Is the house still standing?“  
„Uh, well, I hope you don^t need a kitchen, we made pizza and set everything on fire! Naah, seriously, everything^s fine! Julian is an angel!“  
„Er…you sure you picked the right boy at school? «   
« Blond, green eyes, very tall ? »   
„That sounds like his maths teacher.“  
„And I was wondering how a six-year-old could have beard stubbles…“  
The guy in Roger's bedroom was blond comes to mind. Is that the type he prefers?  
„ I'm supposed to greet you from the other three. How's the apartment search?“ he says.  
Brilliant. He want^s to get rid of me!  
„You know, I was thinking about staying with you. It works out great with us, doesn't it?“ I joke.  
At the other end of the line there is silence for a moment.  
„I've been thinking about that too, John.“  
John. Jooooohn!   
Fuck ! Whenever he says my name, I'll have this picture in my head. The other John with his cock in his mouth.  
„Oh sorry, you just made fun of me, didn’t you?“ he chuckles.  
„No! I mean..“  
Why not? Why shouldn't we live together? It is true, we have it very nice. Roger is a pleasant company and Julian and I get along very well together. „Actually this is a very good idea! Let^s talk about it when you^re back ! »  
We talk for a while and only when I hang up do I realize that I can^t live with him. He'll throw me out if I tell him that I snooped around in his stuff. I'll have to confess that. I can’t have secrets on him.  
And if I have to do that anyway, I can watch the rest of the DVD, right? After all, I have nothing more to lose.  
Like the evening before, I have the laptop in bed with me and start the DVD.  
I watch the other John sucking off Roger.  
I can't deny that it turns me on pretty much but I don't want to think about what that means right now.  
« Jeeez, stop it, stop it or I^m gonna come ! » my bandmate pants.  
„So you really want it, huh? The full program? Are you sure?“  
„Yes, yes and yes! There^s condoms and lube in the nightstand“  
„You're very straightforward. I like that. Many of my customers can't say what they want.“  
„Well, I can. I want you to fuck me!“  
I'm so shocked that I' m gonna push the off button.  
I don't know what shocks me more, the fact that Roger wants to get fucked, or that this guy is obviously a callboy. A male whore. Fuck! I thought I knew him. I thought I knew everything, but obviously I know nothing at all . Never in my life would I have thought Roger to be the type of man who ordered prostitutes home, neither male nor female. And even less, I can imagine him getting fucked. But I don't have to imagine that, do I? I can watch it.  
Damn, it's driving me crazy!   
I betray Roger. I'm invading his absolute privacy.  
And the worst part is, it turns me on. I would really like to see him get fucked.  
That's sick!  
There is only one way to stop me.  
I have to destroy this DVD, if I don't, I will watch it until the end.  
I take it out with determination and break it in two. Problem solved.  
Of course I know all too well that nothing is solved. The hardest part is yet to come.

Roger has been back home for three days, it's almost like before, but only almost.  
Tonight I will tell him. Julian spends the weekend with his sister Ellea, the opportunity is good.  
If only I knew how to start!   
I like the idea of living with Roger better and better, but I'm sure he'll throw me out as soon as I confess to him.  
I also thought of something much worse. What if he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore? If he doesn't even want to play in a band with me anymore?  
„Yay! we^ve got the run of the place! So, what are we gonna do?“ he comes into the living room, smiling.   
„Are you ever in a bad mood?“ I ask quietly. Now or never.  
„Why should I be in a bad mood?“  
„Because I need to tell you something and you're probably gonna be in a pretty bad mood after I did that. I've done something very stupid, Roger. God, I'm so sorry! I don't know how to tell you this!"  
„John! Please tell me you weren't on my whisky! Shit, I wanted to put this stuff away, but I thought you might think I wouldn't trust you! Oh please, tell me you haven't been drinking!“  
„I wasn't drinking. But ...“  
„Thank God! Man, you scared me!“  
„I found the DVD. The one with the smiley on it!“ I blurt out.  
„Oh!“ ¨Just that, just *oh*. Then he goes for the liquor cabinet and pours himself said whisky. There he stands, with his back to me, not saying a word.  
„Roger, i^m sorry! I don^t know what got into me. I wanted to do the laundry, but there was no laundry and I …oh god, I`m so sorry! I broke it, the DVD.“ I realize I'm talking absolute bullshit.  
He^s still not saying a word, he^s still with his back to me and I^m afraid I broke a lot more than this fucking DVD.   
„I've been digging into your things and invading your privacy. I'm aware of that. Please forgive me. I don't wanna lose you. »  
Shit, man! Is he crying?  
Hesitantly I get up and take two steps towards him.  
He^s crying, definitely.   
I loop my arms around him from behind and for a moment I fear he will push me away, but he doesn't.  
„Don^t cry, sunshine!“ I whisper. « I^m such an idiot, Roger.“  
„You are not. I am. Once, only once I wanted to know what it^s like. I don't know how to pick up men, John, so I thought a professional who knows what he's doing would be a good idea. And he was good. He was really good. Well, you saw that, huh?“ The words come between small, desperate sobs.  
„No. I just saw the beginning.“

„And that disgusted you so much that you had to break the thing?“ his voice sounds bitter, bitter and sad.

„You think I was disgusted? No, man! I broke it so I wouldn't watch the film to the end! I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't have resisted!“  
„Oh!“  
Again, there is silence for a few minutes. In this time I become very aware that I hold him firmly in my arms. His warm body presses against me, and that feels pretty good. I haven't held anyone in my arms for a long time.  
„Why is there a film of it?“ I ask, because the silence is slowly becoming unpleasant.  
« He tried to blackmail me, that son of a bitch! While I was in the shower, he put a camera in the ceiling lamp. Three days after he was with me, the DVD was in the mail. He wanted ten thousand pounds, or he would send the film to some newspapers. I called his agency and had them tell him I'm not paying. I am an adult and I am certainly not the only person on this planet who has ever paid for sex. Sure, I wouldn't have loved it if anyone could have seen it, but I won't be blackmailed! He was fired, it came out that he had already blackmailed several people in this way. I was the first one who fought back. Funny enough he had more to lose than me, because he is married and his wife knows nothing about his job. I kept the DVD as some sort of trophy, I guess. »  
„That was very brave of you! Is that why you are so happy lately? Because you won? »  
« No. Maybe a little. But mostly I'm fine because I finally know what I want. It might take me a while to find someone, but I won't pay for it anymore. I^m gay. John ! Would you like to find your own place now? »  
« I think I've already found my place. »


End file.
